Noemi in Cirque Dreams Holidaze

Noemi in SportsEngine Olympic Commercial 30

Piano Tiles

https://youtu.be/wQDcLRFwh2w

Loss of a Birthmother

Recently, our family learned the wonderful news that my mother-in-law was contacted by a son who she had made an adoption plan for some 50 years ago. She was ecstatic to say the least. She explained that that was why she always had a special place in her heart for our little Noemi.  She loved watching us interact with her and just genuinely and naturally love her and that she prayed that he also experienced that kind of unconditional love from his parents.

My mother-in-law was able to meet her biological son on Saturday, May 12th, 2018, the day before Mother's Day. They had a beautiful intimate meeting, just the two of them like she had wanted and dreamed about for years. Sadly and unexpectedly, she passed away the following night. Noemi has lost her bubu (Marshallese for grandmother) and with this untimely passing has come a whole new series of questions regarding her own birthmother.

When we first told Noemi about her "new" uncle she was shocked (as we all were!), upset, confused and happy. She said she wanted to be the only adopted one because that made her special.  She wanted to know every detail about when and how he was going to meet Bubu. She wanted to know when she was going to meet him and did he know that she had a birthmom too. She wanted to know why my mother-in-law choose not to parent. We answered what we could and were able to meet my brother-in-law ourselves on Mother's Day.

Then she passed away.  Noemi became detached, caring yet distant and we could tell something was bothering her but she wouldn't talk about it.  We asked if she was sad about Bubu. She said she was sad but wasn't sure if it was because Bubu passed away or something else.  We gave her time. A couple nights later, she was able to tell us why she was upset. "Will Mama Rosita die after I meet her too? Is she still alive? What if she dies before I meet her? We need to go to Majuro now so I can see her before she dies!"  

Once again, as it has many many times on this journey, my heart ached for my little girl and I had few answers. Noemi was angry with God for doing that to her new uncle. For letting them meet then taking her away.  She kept asking if he was going to the viewing, if he was ok, who told him that she had passed away. And she kept worrying about not making it to Majuro in time. I offered to set up a FaceTime with Mama Rosita so she could at least see her that way but she didn't want to.  She wanted to fly out that very night. After the tears dried up and her mind relaxed, she understood that God needed his angel back and she'll go to Majuro when it's the right time. (We had initially planned on going this summer but she asked that we wait to go until we she was 10. She didn’t feel she was ready now. Her wisdom and maturity stuns us sometimes.)

She has moved on like the resilient child she is.  She is learning about life and death as we all did, with the births and deaths of our loved ones. But she’s also learning something I never had to: How to love and cherish someone you barely met and have no memory of and how she would process the news that might come from across the ocean one day.

I know how Noemi processes and I’m afraid that she’s going to hold back loving Mama Rosita to protect herself from what may come. We will need to help her nurture that love which honestly will be difficult as we don’t know much about her either.  But for now we just need to comfort her in her two losses; the loss of her Bubu and the loss of a relationship with her birthmother.

We have a Cover Girl!

headshot

Our likatu is 5 years old now and looking more and more like an actual kid instead of a preschooler. She sure keeps us on our toes!

That's my girl! ;)

Funny Mimi =D

Things I want to remember that Mimi has said:

First word: Hola (7 months)

First full thought she was able to express: I'm hot. I want agua.(1.5 yrs old)

Recite The Lord's Prayer (sort of) 2.5 years old 

This year she has started talking so much, everyday she says something funny or silly! Here are a few of my favorite "Mimi phrases":

" it's ok, it was an accident." - anytime she breaks/spills something.

" Papi is sickyface, that's why no hair" - although we've tried to tell her otherwise, she think shawn has Cancer and that explains his lack of hair :-/

" it's 'cause,  it's 'cause...." -whenever she tries to explain why she did something she wasn't supposed to.

" I told you, I no like those pants!" - explaining why she had an accident and had to change into a skirt at daycare.

" where's my sista Molly go?" -Molly is our dog

" it's ok, you still my girl" - When I accidentally forgot her backpack at daycare.

" ohhh, mommy wearing fancy pants!" -when I wear anything other then jeans.

" Papi a prince!" - if Shawn is looking extra daper ;-)

" I want the face! I want to eat the eyes!" - on what piece of birthday cake she wanted.

" Dye" -instead of Bye, which made it extra creepy when she just said it but didn't wave (about 1yr old)

" oh no, I can't, my knee hurts" - whenever we ask her to do something she doesn't want to do, like pick up her toys.

" what you said? I no understand you." - when you say something in English that she doesn't understand but once it's repeated in Spanish she gets it.

" Shake your booty! Shake your booty!" - while shaking and pointing to her booty in the middle of a Costco aisle. 

Noemi cracks me up at least once a day :)  

Thankful

In a previous post, I had mentioned how sad I was for my little girl but in fact, I'm very grateful for all that we do have and can share with her regarding her adoption.

In this month of Thanksgiving, I'd like to list just a few things I'm grateful for:

1) Noemi! For soooo many reasons. For her giggle. For her heart. For her endless energy that means she's healthy. For her anger which means she's strong-willed and hopefully will apply that in a positive manner when she grows up. For her love of learning. For her acceptance of others. Soooo many reasons.

2) I'm grateful for meeting Rosita.  Very few intercountry adoptive parents have that privilege. We may have had our issues but I had the opportunity to see Rosita and Noemi together in the good and in the bad. I was able to truly understand how and why Noemi became our daughter. I was able to hold the hand of the women who gave us the greatest privilege ever, that of parenting beautiful Noemi. 

3) I'm grateful for knowing Noemi's medical history.  If something were ever to arise, I'm grateful we have the referral report and we were able to chat with Grandpa Peter. He has already given us insight into how and why he adopted Rosita and that's invaluable information. 

4) I'm grateful for our wonderfully supportive family. Every single person, on both sides of our families, have accepted and welcomed Noemi with open arms and with no judgement. And if they haven't, they've kept it to themselves and have never made any negative comments towards her or us. 

5) I'm grateful for our wonderfully supportive friends. Our friends, new and old, have stood by our side and helped us grow as a family. Their genuine interest in her adoption story and development has helped us understand how unique and special our little family truly is.

6) I'm grateful for those who did make inappropriate/hurtful comments. They helped me realize who is really important in our lives right now and helped me learn to stand up for my family. I also believe they didn't understand how it could hurt our feelings at a time. I honestly didn't know, myself, how sensitive we'd be to other people's comments but I'm glad we found out and now know how to react. 

7) I'm grateful for our Minnesota Marshallese group. Although, we spend most of our time chasing Noemi, I'm thankful when I can sit back, listen and learn from others going through the same things we are.  Their support and understanding is incomparable since they know exactly what you're going through in regards to birthfamily, adoption identity issues, and the general development of squirrelly toddlers and preschoolers.

8) I'm grateful for YouTube! We watch YouTube all the time to see "majuro" videos. We've learned so much about the Marshallese culture just from those videos. Noemi now knows and sings Marshallese children songs. I've been able to translate 2 of them so far and I love singing them in both languages with her. We watch beat dancing. We watch people singing. We watch people dancing and laughing. And most importantly, I think, we watch people who are happy even with the little that they have. 

I could go on and on but obviously, I have to cut the list somewhere.

We're truly blessed to have been able to adopt from such a unique program. We're blessed to be a tri-cultural family. We're blessed to add a new culture to our lives, that we honestly try to incorporate as much as we incorporate our Mexican and Swedish traditions. 

We are Thankful every. single. day.

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